Bipolar Motor

My mind romps like a bipolar motor

Got me lucky like a clover

I can’t see any reason

To not accept your semen

My head be thumping, need an advil

Got me spinning like a windmill

I wear you like whiskey

Come here and let’s get frisky

Without you by my side

It’s like teeth lacking fluoride

I’m captured in your stare

Let’s ride this love affair

We met at the dawn of spring

You got me worshipping

Your mind games be sociopathic

But meets my psychopathic

Sensing a constant form of mania

Take me out this hysteria

My bipolarity

Understands your solidarity

We drank cream-soda and cane

Your presence like cocaine

Feeling a hot flush fever

Running like a retriever

When we said goodbye

My tears were like a glass eye

After a mere fortnight

I want you to be my white knight

I want an encore

You’re the one that I adore

You don’t seem to give a fuck

While I sit here starstruck

This uncontrollable passion

Got me squeaking like Kardashian

Find me bowing at your throne

Even if you in a different time zone

I’ll always be your kitty

We’ll be wrapped in propinquity

Oh, dear lion

You are my dandelion

To finish I’ll stop chasing

And try a little patience

Who knows if fate

Will make you my soul mate…

xxx Love Kitty!!

The Unicorn Heart

“I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.” ~ The Great Gatsby.

I find my heart to be a kaleidoscopic unicorn… An alchemic energy force-field. It is so difficult to describe the deepest cockles of my heart to a person who has vanilla senses. This is dedicated to someone that I hope one day will truly experience the same alchemy of explosive energies possessing my lion heart, even be it for just one moment. For now, I will try to articulate my eternal quest for a love that is further than zenith and why I plunge steadfast into the abyss of the unknown gamble of turmoil or triumph…

I don’t just listen to your words. I listen to the choice of your words, your tone, your manoeuvres, your darting eyes, your facial expressions. I decipher your silences – I can discern everything that you do not divulge. It’s a raw feeling of extrasensory perception…

You speak to me with words, but I look at you with feelings. This fire in me is the vital essence that pervades and permeates, boils up from my core and softly graduates circles of love and light… Welcome to the open sesame of my soul… Hope you enjoy the ride. One look in my eyes and I’ll have you memorised… haunted by my hypnotic gaze.

Some may call me Schizoaffective, bipolar, psycho, sociopath or merely a delusional drama queen… But these “hallucinations” and devotions are my reality. They are the very blood that runs through my veins. They encompass and cripple me so…. feels like breathing water.

She had a very inconvenient heart. It always insisted on feeling things ever so deeply.

— John Mark Green Poetry

On paper, my IQ is exemplary, so one would surely say, “Have some common sense, woman”. But it is not that simple. I have been somewhat wired to ignore my pain for the sake of my love for others, fighting for any toxic influence with my stubborn heart.

Making love with someone is an organic and raw artistry for me. But, I can only truly unleash my minx-like wrath on a lover whom I feel brave enough to let my psychic ability to run wild. At my fingertips I can effortlessly sense, smell, see, taste, touch and calculate in microseconds what my partner thirsts for. Even kissing him can feel as if I have grazed his very soul.

But this candyfloss-coated fluffy emotion, does not come free. There is a constant fear that my existence is a burden to all whom surround me. Restlessness, anxiety, heart break, insomnia, vivid and kaleidoscopic dreams, clairvoyant thoughts and feeling so responsible for such a wide array of people and situations. Crying is often my highest devotional song… It is a spiritual practice of mine and I cry with a pure heart that cannot equate to such a prayer.

Oh, but darling, why would I ever want to trade these feelings for the world? It is what makes my bones electric and my feet tap to the tune of my fabricated tales of love…. Delusions or not…. it’s my game…. my ever sweet addiction… love…..

Kitty meets Lion

I am consumed by him….

He has lit up a fire inside of me that I did not know even existed. Wait a minute now, Kitty, pull yourself together girl! Where is the powerhouse, feminist, driven, ambitious and sassy sexy woman that you once were?? Could one meagre man truly pull you so low?? To such a point of vulnerability, weakness and naivety?

The reason why your core is shaken is because your deeply hidden desires were momentarily but very articulately met…. By a simple boy…. And his name is Tom. Tom has changed your entire sexual stance…. He has raised the bar. No more vanilla sex. It’s time for the sociopath to read your complex bi-polar mind. He knows just what to say…. He has you hanging at his every word…. He KNOWS the power that he has over you. He KNOWS that deep down, you crave it, you always have. The desire to be dominated and overruled, despite being the feisty and independent woman that you are. You feed off this power struggle. All your life, YOU have been in control. In charge of every element of your life; in charge of your career, your finances, your home, even your partner!! When did you ever even expect that what you truly desired, what you truly craved, was this: to belong to someone, to be desired, dominated yet respected….

Tom has riveted every fibre of my being…. Perhaps call him a sociopath, a narcissist, a playboy…. but he knows what a Kitten like you craves…. HE LISTENS. And he has won. For the first time….. I have found myself to surrender…. my entire soul…. now belongs to my lion. A young boy who has an uncanny, intimidating presence, a stare that melts my soul and shakes my bones. He has literally broken me….. oh my dear, the story has merely begun!!!

Follow me on my journey to discovering this dynamic power struggle between myself (known as Kitty) and my fictional lover (known as Lion). Perhaps an unconventional love story, but this is certainly most tangible, wild concrete form of love that I have ever known.

I would like to show it to Lion once I have truly seen that I have won his affections back. He is fighting back his emotional turmoil, but I know that deep down he loves me.

So my dearest Lion…. I profess my love to you …. Kitten is hopelessly, recklessly and unshakeably in love with her Lion! I do hope that you too feel the same someday. We met just at the wrong time, but my memories with you are pixelated and frozen in my frontal lobe…..

“Submission doesn’t mean that we’re weak-minded, feeble or frail. It means that we’re empowered by choice, and that we’re dedicated to esteeming others higher than ourselves.”