Metamorphosis

“Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful.”

Contrary to popular belief, the wings of butterflies are completely transparent and the colours (that we see) are merely a reflection of light on their miniscule scales (chitin) on their wings. Butterflies can also see beyond the ultraviolet spectrum (invisible to the human eye) and their eyes consist a total 6000 lenses.

Are these harmless and charming creatures (that usually symbolize innocence, purity, peace and love) perhaps more powerful than we give them credit for? For such a magnificent creature to emerge from a mere worm, requires the digestion of old thoughts to be manifested into a new way of being. The caterpillar (much like us), needs to meet parts of himself that he has been at war with for his whole (short) life. Similarly, we all undergo periods where we are forced to reckon with our demons; to be shaken to our cores by our fears, doubts, hurt and insecurities. This season can be a dark and depressing period, like being ensorcelled in a tight cocoon. There is beauty in this darkness, where we have no option but to embrace a chrysalis of experiences and evolve into the best version of ourselves. This metamorphosis slowly spreads from her core, crushing the outer shell of her past identity, as she blossoms into the unshakable force that she was destined to be. All of the hours of pain and hardship result in a character congruent to her beauty.

I always imagined butterflies to be a little bit like a self-propelled flower. They have an innate ability to move from one state, perspective, embracing catacombs of change.

Metamorphosis is the magic that insects can teach us. Change welcomes growth.

Butterfly is the power of air, the ability to float upon a breeze. It is known for its darting flight; thus, it represents the mind and our ability to change it when necessary. Butterfly represents the never-ending cycle of life; the clarity of mind needed before self-transformation.

Butterflies appear to dance as they flitter among the flowers. They remind us to renew our faith and seek sanctuaries of renewal. They display a re-emergence of life, by arcane strength. They burst with deliverance and defy gravity’s dead weight. They are far from the battered caterpillar in that magical cocoon.

Much like an “underdog”, butterflies rank low on the food chain, with many predators on the radar. However, butterflies stand tall like a “David against Goliath” with their defence mechanisms. Some butterflies fold their wings, using camouflage to render themselves all but invisible to predators. Others try the opposite strategy, wearing vibrant colours and patterns that boldly announce their presence. Bright coloured insects often have toxic chemicals on their frames. Some butterflies aren’t toxic at all, but pattern themselves after other species known for their toxicity. By mimicking their foul-tasting cousins, they repel predators. Their confidence and lack of fear is almost foolish to say the least. We can learn such valuable lessons from this feisty, brave creature; she harvests seeds of pain into flowers of joy.

My message to you:

Your soul is urging you to quest deeper, to transcend above the hurt, to rid yourself of that that no longer serves you, to guard your energy daily, to receive the criticism gracefully, to become the master of your thoughts, to forgive yourself, to own who you are, to embody a fortress of peace, to honour your body for the temple that it is….. All in order to thrive and resonate like a wild flower in this moment.

Yours truly

Kitty xx

Sociopath Neuron Spark

Is it possible that Sociopaths (and Asperger’s and “APD” and even psychopaths) are scientifically the happiest individuals in society?? The mesolimbic pathway, sometimes referred to as the reward pathway, is a dopaminergic pathway in the brain. Sociopaths tend to experience super sensitivity so it is quite easy for them to reach an ecstasy based on external stimulus, food, music or imagery. Is this ability to self-induce ecstasy due to a socio’s dopamine levels taking them on a trip? Or is it merely a one more side benefit of the large degree of control that Sociopaths have over their mind and emotions? Autism has also been linked with excessive amounts of dopamine in the brain and these behaviours are minimized with dopamine inhibitors. If sociopathy is on the autism spectrum, along with Asperger syndrome, then sociopaths may also have elevated amounts of dopamine, although not high enough to hamper social functioning.

It seems that Sociopaths (and all mentioned above) appear to have a obsession with reward — to the “dangling carrot” — so much so that it overrules all sense of risk or concern about the “stick.” It’s not just that they don’t appreciate the potential threat, but the anticipation or motivation for reward trumps those concerns. This hyper-reactive dopamine reward system might very well be the foundation for some of the most problematic behaviours associated with sociopathy, such as violence, substance abuse, reckless sex, stealing and deceit. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the LACKING skills (i.e. fear, empathy, interpersonal skills) that shape a sociopath, but rather their ABUNDANCE of impulsivity, heightened attraction to rewards and risk taking.

From what I have studied from sociopaths (and “APD”) in the past few years (and recently been in a romantic relationship with one), I can predict the rationale behind their actions. They say these things and embody these behaviours:

“Why be physically abusive? It’s far too easy and predictable…. I need more of a challenge. More “fun”. Anyone can physically FORCE someone do something… But oh… now manipulating them into WANTING to do it…. far, far more satisfying.”
They have the fake accent. A soft British/Yorkshire blended accent seems to instantly set people at ease. “He’s just a sweet boy.” Hear the consonants roll off his tongue. Is this fake accent due to “chameleon” abilities or is there some other underlying mental process that causes a change in speech?
The “sharp tooth”. Wow. Such precision, on the mark. Likely due to “sensation seeking”. They live their lives constantly searching for some sort of stimulation, so for a brief moment they can have “peace”, “Feel”……”Normal”?
Confessions of a Sociopath: “I have delved into BDSM for quite a while now. Yes, surprise-surprise, I’m a Dom. Choking, pain, asphyxiation; all can certainly be “fun”. Knives are “fun” as well.”
Socio says, “I’ve had two stalkers in the last 8 years who didn’t take kindly to me just cutting them from my life. Of course what really happened was I got bored, manipulated them into going bat-shit crazy and doing things there was no coming back from. That cost/benefit graph can be a bitch sometimes. Mostly for others. But oh well…. I don’t care.”
In this violent and sarcastic day and age, I rather just speak the truth now…. At worst, I have a slightly “off” or “dark” brand of humor. People think I’m joking. “What are you thinking?”, she asks. “I’m imagining what kind of noises you’d make if I held you down and carved a chunk out of your shapely ass.” She laughs. ….. I was telling the truth….

One of the most powerful manipulation tactics a Sociopath uses are “tells” about who they really are. They master in playing mind games with others and can easily confuse their targets by these “tells”. There are 3 forms of these “tells”:

1 – projections

2 – truthful remarks

3 – statements that are the exact of the truth.
Projection
When sociopaths project, they are giving their targets camouflaged clues. They talk about how other people cheat or lie or hurt others, as if they abhor such behavior, when in fact they are describing themselves. And during the devalue phase of their “relationships,” they often project this negativity on to their targets, in an effort to make their victims doubt themselves. It also has the effect of making targets feel as if they are going crazy.

The Truth
Sociopaths tell their targets exactly who they are, but they do it in such a way that it is impossible for victims to understand the consequences of the horrible statements. Targets might hear comments like, “You shouldn’t be with me” or “I’ve never had a good relationship” or “I wanted to hurt someone.” Sociopaths turn these declarations into pity plays and feel secretly justified in exploiting victims when they do not realize the statements are real.

The Opposite of the Truth
Sociopaths convince their targets that they will never lie or cheat and that they love them so much. They also promise that they will never do anything to hurt their victims. They regularly mislead targets by making claims that are precisely the opposite of the truth.

“It isn’t true that sociopaths never change…. They change their mask and their target.”

So then how do I find myself to be my safest, most secure and happiest around him??? Am I stuck in these “tells” too? Does he know what he does to me? Or is this my fate? To be another forgotten game. Another quest…. Shhhhhh, don’t tell me…. let me ride this wave in oblivion…. Nothing matters….. I’m stuck in this web…. Oh darling, spin me your silver cocoon…

Much love,

Kitty xxx

Bipolar Motor

My mind romps like a bipolar motor

Got me lucky like a clover

I can’t see any reason

To not accept your semen

My head be thumping, need an advil

Got me spinning like a windmill

I wear you like whiskey

Come here and let’s get frisky

Without you by my side

It’s like teeth lacking fluoride

I’m captured in your stare

Let’s ride this love affair

We met at the dawn of spring

You got me worshipping

Your mind games be sociopathic

But meets my psychopathic

Sensing a constant form of mania

Take me out this hysteria

My bipolarity

Understands your solidarity

We drank cream-soda and cane

Your presence like cocaine

Feeling a hot flush fever

Running like a retriever

When we said goodbye

My tears were like a glass eye

After a mere fortnight

I want you to be my white knight

I want an encore

You’re the one that I adore

You don’t seem to give a fuck

While I sit here starstruck

This uncontrollable passion

Got me squeaking like Kardashian

Find me bowing at your throne

Even if you in a different time zone

I’ll always be your kitty

We’ll be wrapped in propinquity

Oh, dear lion

You are my dandelion

To finish I’ll stop chasing

And try a little patience

Who knows if fate

Will make you my soul mate…

xxx Love Kitty!!